


Growing love (Sirius Black FanFiction)

by ScorpyR



Series: Love is the key [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Character Death, F/M, Falling In Love, Hogwarts, Magic, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 08:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpyR/pseuds/ScorpyR
Summary: When I was called in to enter Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry I never thought it would end like this.Voldemort came back to terrorize and bring the darkness back. But this time we're there to stop him. Love was always the key to everything. Love saves us every day. We are born out of love, we die in love. But death is not the end of it. I understood that when I met him. The love of my life. Sirius Black.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys.  
> So, new story. It will be part of a series. I took Harry Potter's' books and made a different story, where there's this girl who fell in love with Sirius Black and there was something growing between them until something tears them apart. Hope you like part one... I'll be writing part two soon... 
> 
> Please, let me know what you think. XOXO
> 
> PS: I use some lines from the books and the movie just to follow the storyline. I don't own any of the characters (besides Cat)

When I received the letter from Hogwarts I couldn’t believe in myself. I thought it was a joke actually so I just crumpled the paper and put in the trash bin. But a few moments later I received another letter like the later one and I did the same. And every time I did it, I would be given another under the door. I opened the door abruptly and was terrified when I saw lots and lots of owls on my yard with a letter on their mouths. 

When my parents got home and I showed them the letters they looked at each other with an accomplice look. They explained to me they had a visitor when I was still inside my mother’s womb. It was an old, long beard and grey-haired man that proved himself as a wizard. He has told them that I would be a great wizard someday and when the right time comes I would be sent to a specialized school. Years have passed and they noticed things different on me. Things would break when I was mad. It would rain when I was sad. And it would be a beautiful sunny day when I was happy. I thought I was being too egocentric when I thought about this but it turned out to be something. I was a Wizard. And a powerful one. How cool is that? 

No. Not cool. Uh-uh. It was a fascinating discovery at first but with the years passing, knowing about Voldemort and the Death Eaters, everything was like hell. Only worse.

I immediately made three best friends when I started school: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. I am 3 and a half years older than them but I was at the same classes they did. The school sent me the letter only when I was 14 and they were only 11. When I was about to turn 18 I met the only one that brightens up my day even in these dark times. He’s much older than me and he is a fugitive. Yeah... I must admit not the best ideal man but I felt something for him when I met him. I thought it was just a stupid crush but I knew me better than that. It wasn’t. 

Sirius Black was arrested by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban, accused of murdering muggles and his best friends. He claimed he was innocent but the shreds of evidence were against him. In 1993 he was the first person to escape that prison and he began his search for the truth. He later discovered that the real murderer and traitor was Peter Pettigrew and that he was indeed hiding in his Animagus form as Ron Weasley's pet, his rat Scabbers.  
The first time I saw him he was a mess. Clothes were dirty and torn, his black and grey locks were unkempt but his deep blue eyes were shiny, looking mad but hopeful. When he got to us, he wanted to kill the rat. We were arguing and preparing to fight with each other, but we were hopeless, as Sirius was pointing his wand at us. The moment was tense but when he looked at me for some seconds, I sensed something peaceful about him. Ever since I was little I had this gifts where I can read somebody's soul just by looking at a person, or feeling their energy. Hermione was the first to talk, interrupting our exchange of looks and my racing thoughts:  
\- If you want to kill Harry, you'll -- you'll... have to kill us, too!  
\- No. Only one should die tonight. - Sirius said with a low tone.  
\- Then it would be you. - Before I could speak Harry was already on top of him, trying to fight him.  
\- STOP HARRY! - I yelled but as soon as I speak, professor Remus entered the room and did the Expelliarmus spell on Harry’s wand.

We were all shocked and breathing heavy. Harry was looking at professor Remus and he had a hand pushing Sirius against the floor. Remus did a nodding gesture to get Harry away from Sirius and we thought “Everything would be ok”. But his next actions got us all confused.  
\- Looking a bit ragged, aren't we, Sirius? Finally, the skin reflects the madness within. - Remus said.  
\- You'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?

As I was about to speak they both grabbed each other into a deep hug but Hermione yelled:  
\- No! I trusted you! We covered up for you. - She pointed at me and proceeded. - And all this time you've been his friend! He's a werewolf! That's why he's been missing classes! - She said to Ron and Harry.  
\- What is this professor? - I asked him more peacefully, keeping an eye on Sirius.  
\- How long have you known? - He dangerously approached her and me, slowly.  
\- Since Professor Snape set the essay. Something was wrong and we found out. - I finally spoke.  
\- You two are the brightest witches of your age I've ever met.

Sirius was looking at me for some time, something was going through his mind, but something snapped him out of it:  
\- Yes YES YES, you glow like the sun. And you howl at the moon. Enough talk! He dies. Now. If you won't do it with me, Remus, I'll do it alone!  
\- Wait, Sirius!!! - Remus protested.  
\- I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In Azkaban! The only thing that kept me sane was knowing that bastard was out there waiting to be killed. And trust me, you wouldn't have lasted a week in that hell hole!

Sirius screams echoed throughout the house and Remus calmed down and nodded to him, understanding his pain. Then, they proceeded to tell us about Peter Pettigrew and, after we got interrupted by professor Snape I felt like I was possessed by some invisible force that led me to this behavior. Snape was pointing his wand at Sirius' throat:  
\- Witty as ever I see. Tell me, will you be so irreverent when I turn you over to the Dementors? … Is that a flicker of fear I detect? One can only imagine what it must be like to endure the Dementor's Kiss. It's said to be unbearable to witness. But I'll do my best.

Sick of hearing shit from Snape I waved my wand and yelled “Expelliarmus”. Snape soars into the air, hits the wall with a THUD, and slides down. I never liked the man anyway.  
\- Cat! What did you just do? You attacked a teacher. - Hermione yelled at me.

I ignored her and turned to Sirius and Remus with the wand pointed at them. At this point, I wasn't afraid to use the wand, and if they tried anything, I wouldn't hesitate to throw them through the hair. Sirius had this amused look behind his mad eyes.  
\- Talk. - I ordered with a demanding tone.  
\- Pettigrew... He was at school with us. We thought he was a friend. We thought he was dead... Until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the Map. - Remus turned to Harry.  
\- The Map was lying then -- - Harry was interrupted by yelling Sirius.  
\- The Map never lies. - He yelled. - Pettigrew is alive. And he's right there. - He pointed at Ron, leaving us all confused.  
\- M-me? It's lunatic… - Ron stutter.  
\- Not you, you fool. Your rat. - Sirius rolled his eyes.  
\- Scabbers? Scabbers has been in my family for ...  
\- Twelve years. A curiously long life for a common garden rat. He's missing a toe, isn't he? - Ron nodded yes, mouth opened with surprise.  
\- All they could find of Pettigrew was his ff--- - Harry and I were shocked, looking at each other and Sirius finished his sentence.  
\- Finger. Dirty coward cut it off so everyone would think he was dead. Then he transformed into a rat. And he thought everything would be alright. But he's wrong. So dead wrong.

After Peter transformation from rat to a person we decided to turn him into the Department of Magical Law Enforcement but all the events next led to some painful years. When we got out, Sirius stopped and was staring in wonder at the castle, shining radiantly under the bright bowl of the night sky. He was actually a handsome man. The last twelve years weren’t good for him but he still had a beautiful frame. I stopped by his side and he talked, almost like a whisper:  
\- Beautiful, isn't it? I'll never forget the first time I walked through those doors. It'll be nice to do it again. As a free wizard. - He turned to me then. - Thank you for the opportunity you gave me to explain myself. How did you know you could trust me?  
\- Well. We were inside the house for some time. You didn’t hurt any of us. So I thought that your intentions weren’t hostile, I guess? And Peter? He deserved to be punished by his sins… You don’t. I can only imagine what you had endured all these years, but you shouldn’t become a killer for a worthless piece of vermin like Pettigrew. It's not worth it. Besides: Dead, the truth dies with him. Alive… you're free.

Sirius looked at me astonished by my speech and studied my frame, speechless. I smiled at him and I said with a low, caring tone.  
\- You should go to your godson. He needs you.

He smiled at me and thanked before he leaves to talk with Harry. I grinned happily when I watch them hugging each other. But that happiness faded away when I saw the horror on Hermione’s face staring at the full moon. I immediately understood why she was petrified and diverted my gaze to Remus. He was a rigid silhouette, his fingers twitching. Pettigrew's eyes dart, taking in the situation, watching as he saw the opportunity to escape when he noted the wand trembling in Remus' fist.  
\- Remus, old friend... did you take your potion tonight? - Sirius asked, but no response came from Remus. - Run. All of you. Now.

But we were frozen in place. Nothing Sirius was saying calmed Remus and as his wand drops and Pettigrew leaps. Everything went so fast. Pettigrew grabbed the wand, turned himself into a rat again and ran away, Remus transformed into a werewolf and tried to attack us but right on time, Snape got to us, distracted the werewolf and it was attacked by Sirius in his Animagus form. I looked for Sirius after a long fight and I spotted the wounded dog lurching through the tall grass. It Falls. Rises. Falls again. Each time becoming more human. And when he fell for good I ran to his side as Harry did the same.  
\- Sirius? - He called him. Nothing. - Sirius?

Suddenly everything slowed down, the air got heavier, the air was cold and something was wandering around us. We looked around and saw Dementors coming from every direction. I mouthed a “no” and got up. Harry picked up his wand and yelled: “Expecto... Patronum!” but we only saw light twinkle from his wand. He tried again and again and nothing worked. That’s when I thought we probably were going to die like that and looked back to Sirius lying on the floor, wounded and helpless. I breathe in and out, taking in the view of Sirius', took Harry’s wand from his hand, waved it and whispered “Expecto Patronum”. There was a perfect light dog running around me and flying through the air keeping away the Dementors. After while I knew the Dementors were gone as I felt my head dizzy and everything was dark.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up I was in the familiar medical wing of Hogwarts. I woke up startled with the recent events and I saw Hermione, Ron, and Harry by my side.  
\- You scared us for a while there. - Harry said with a soft but worried smile.  
\- Sorry… Oh, Oh God, where’s Sirius? And professor Remus?  
\- Cat, we don’t have much time… They've captured Sirius. Any minute the Dementors are going to perform the Kiss. - Hermione told me.  
\- Whaat? No! He’s innocent! We have to something!

As I say this, Dumbledore entered the room:  
\- Sir, please. You have to help Sirius, he’s innocent. - I said immediately. He didn’t seem surprised.  
\- It's Scabbers who did it! - Ron said and realized he seemed stupid and continued. - My rat, sir. Only he's not really... Well, he was a rat. You see, he used to be my brother Percy's rat…  
\- The point is... we know the truth. Please, sir, you must believe us. - Hermione said.

Dumbledore told Hermione something about her time pendant and we used it to save Sirius. Her Time-Turner was given to her first by McGonagall to attend some classes at the same time. We saved Buckbeak and Sirius at the same time and everything went as expected. We saved him and he took Buckbeak and fled away, taking a momentary look at me before he goes.

That was how I met Sirius Black, convicted murderer. 

After some time after saving Sirius, Remus told us he has Resigned. It appears someone told about his… condition. Of course, it would be Snape. He also told us we could see Sirius soon. He was ok. Hidden but ok. So he allowed us to send him a letter. Harry wrote one right away with regards from Ron and Hermione, but I decided to write my own. Just right before Remus leave the school for good I ran behind him:  
\- Professor!  
\- Oh, Cat. Come to say one last goodbye to your teacher?  
\- It’s not a goodbye, professor. It’s a see you later. But no. Here, take this to Sirius please.

He studied my face, though for some seconds and then said:  
\- I will. And call me by my name. I’m not a professor anymore.

I smiled at him and asked:  
\- You'll always be my professor. When will I see you again?  
\- You were always a special student. You're a special young woman. - He smiled and his next words made me feel embarrassed. - But, you meant, when will you see Sirius again, didn't you?  
\- Huh...  
\- Soon Cat, soon. - He laughed. - I’ll give this to him. Don’t you worry.

I watched him leave the big school gates before they closed after him. He was heading for a 4 hours journey on a train before he arrived his destiny. He felt the tightness in his heart leaving the school he loved so much and the students that were eager to learn about all the wonders of magic. He looked down to his hand when he got to the train and smiled when he saw the letter he was still holding on his hands and thought to himself: “Maybe Sirius won’t end up alone after all”.

His trip ended when he arrived at a street with tall semi-detached houses with brown bricks and white windows. It was night and there were few lights. In some windows you could only see people in their normal lives, watching TV, eating, unaware of what really surrounds them. Remus picked up his wand and waved it in the air, rising to a new house in the middle of the semi-detached houses. The Grimmauld Place. He entered through the garden gate, walked the path to the front door and sighed before saying the which immediately opened the doors.

As he entered, the door closed behind him and he came upon a long corridor and began to explore. He reached the first door and entered. It was a glass door, which belonged to a dining room, attached to a small kitchen. At the back of the dining room were two small sofas and a large, as well as a small round low table.

He continued to explore the house and began to climb stairs, listening to voices coming from the paintings hanging on the wall. He ignored them when he saw a light on in one of the bedrooms and entered it.  
\- Haven’t you got mad already? Those pictures are annoying. I know a burning spell if you want it.  
\- Ah Remus, my friend. You arrived. That bastard Severus… He’s gonna pay for that. I know you love teaching. You always have. You’re the one who always helped us study back in our time.  
\- It doesn’t matter. Everything was meaningless until I found you, my old friend. But first things first. There’s a letter from your godson Harry.  
\- How is he?  
\- He would very much like to keep in touch with you.

After he opens the letter and read it he smiled softly but kept a serious look on his face. He seemed like he was thinking about something when Remus told him he another letter and gave it to him. Sirius was curious and Remus told him I sent it. Remus didn’t know if he was ever going to see the bright and happy face Sirius used to always have on his face until he watched him reading my letter.

_Dear S,  
I hope this letter finds you in good health and in safety. I don’t know what to say... I really don’t know why I’m writing this letter. This is really odd. The thing is, I don’t feel sorry for you. Because I know you don’t feel sorry for yourself, and that’s wonderful. It means you want to live what you haven’t lived before and want to enjoy what you hadn’t before. It means you don’t go without a fight. It means you’re sane. For that, I think you are the strongest person I have ever met. Truly. And I promise you this: I would do anything to help you be free and to help you get a new life. Whatever it takes. Harry is my best friend and he needs you. So, keep fighting… for him, for you, for me… for everyone who cares about you. _

_I hope we keep in touch and, yeah, that’s all._  
Until we meet again,  
Cat. 

Sirius face had a tear streaming down his cheek and he cleaned it before he thanked Remus for bringing him the letter.  
\- If you’d like to reply, I can send my owl anytime you need.  
\- Yes Yes… Thank you Remus.  
\- We’re gonna prove your innocence my friend. Have faith.

Sirius pressed my letter against his chest and sighed:  
-I have now.


	3. Chapter 3

Back in Hogwarts we were finally getting our stuff together. The year had ended and we would go back home. There weren't any more fantastic adventures for the rest of the time in Hogwarts, It was an oddly peaceful school year, besides the thing with Sirius. My thoughts were going through everything that happened after that. I was finally closing my bag when Hermione entered our bedroom jumping and smiling like crazy, snapping me out of my thoughts.  
\- Hey, hey, what’s that for? - I asked her.  
\- Guess who send you a letter?  
\- My parents sent me a letter?  
\- No, you fool. No sender in it.

She winked and smiled at me and I thought for a second. "No, it couldn't be Sirius. He wouldn’t reply so soon. But who else would send me a letter?" So my face lightened up and I grabbed the letter, opening it and reading it.

_My dear Cat,  
You have no idea how your letter made my day so much better. I could tell the second I lay my eyes on you that you were somehow special. I would like to keep in touch with you and get to know more about your life. I want to know why you’re so special. _

_We can use Remus owl. No one would notice._

_So, I know the school year is about to end. You’re going home? I hope you have a happy house, full of life. Where I am now is so morbid. So silent. So lonely. Maybe soon you’ll all be able to come here. I really hope that…_

_I’ll wait for your letter.  
S._

Hermione was impatient while I was reading the letter. My smile opened and as soon as I finished reading it, I could feel my face flushed and Hermione, who noticed that, asked immediately:  
\- So?  
\- So what?  
\- What does it say?  
\- Hey, it’s personal… But he’s ok and he wants us to go to his house. He feels lonely, I think.

When I answered all her questions we were finally able to go home after a long train journey. I swear I would never get bored with those beautiful green mountains. They seem so… pure. I could get lost looking at them forever but I was snapped back to reality by Hermione that whispered in my ear:  
\- Won’t you send him a new letter in response?  
\- I will, but I was waiting for them to fall asleep. - I nodded slowly at Ron and Harry that was almost falling asleep in their seats.

After some time I noticed Ron and Harry really fell asleep, heads and shoulders touching at each other's side. I giggled at the view and pulled a paper and a pen.

_Dear S,_  
I would love to meet your new house if that would make you happier.  
And yes, I have a happy home. My parents are amazing and they really love me. They are kind people and like to help everyone. I guess I inherited it from them. 

_I’m an only child. My mother was sick years ago and the treatment didn’t allow her to have more kids, but she’s fine now._

_My life is really not that amazing. It’s normal. I didn’t know I was a wizard. My parents, who are what you call Muggles, choose not to tell me until the Hogwarts' letter arrived. I guess they didn’t believe it at first when Dumbledore told them I would become a wizard before I was born. But they noticed strange things happening when I was around. They are ok with that now. They love to hear about my school and about what I learn and are always supporting me. I don’t know why I was called so late to school. My friends were 10/11 when they got called in. I was 14, almost 15. It was difficult at first but I made some good friends. The whole new world of wizardry is wonderful. But I still have so much to learn._

_Tell me about your life, before Azkaban. I would like to know the younger you._

_I’ll wait for your answer,  
Cat._

I opened the window of the train and sent the owl with the letter, heading to Sirius location. If only I knew where he was…

When we arrived the platform 9 ¾ my parents were waiting for me with happy smiles, expecting to hear about my adventures from this years. I often write them letters telling them everything, but after that thing, with Sirius, I didn’t write them anymore, so they must have been worried. We got home soon after and I told them about the whole Sirius situation. They were sorry for him and wanted justice for the man. What I didn’t tell them was that I was fond of him and it was getting worse. They would tell me it wasn't the right thing for me. And I guess they would right. So I trained my head to shut down any feelings for Sirius that would make my heart twitch every time I hear his name or think about him.

That summer I exchanged letters with all of my friends and I couldn't help but talk with Sirius too. We sent letters to each other almost every day. And we were knowing each other more deeply. He told me about Azkaban, about how things worked there and how he managed to escape. He also told me how he remained sane even though everyone around him was mad. He told me about his family: The Black family believed strongly in pure-blood elitism. They hated Muggles or Muggle-borns, Squibs, and blood traitors. They even disowned family members, such as Sirius' great-uncle Marius Black, Andromeda, and others, and insisted that their family members only marry with pure-blood wizards. Sirius rejected all of their beliefs, so he was rejected by his family also. He hated his mother, Walburga and his cousin, Bellatrix, a known Voldemort' follower. As Sirius' relationship with his relatives deteriorated, he built a long lasting friendship in James Potter, Harry’s father, and Remus Lupin, our teacher. He told me about the Marauders and how they joined the Order of Phoenix to fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters, most of them his own family members. And how it all went to hell when Voldemort murdered James and Lilly.  
So you see, we got to know each other. Our deepest fears, our desires, our dreams… And things got really intense in those letters, but none of us talked about any feelings growing between us, trying to conceal them the best we can. I knew these feelings were wrong and I didn't want it to interfere between our good friendship.

When the summer vacations were almost over, me and my friends usually go to Weasley house before leaving to Hogwarts. But this year we didn’t go there. I talked with Remus and somehow we managed to stay in Sirius’ house altogether. Grimmauld Place, the Black' family house. It was just for a couple of days but still, we brought life to his house. And he was so happy for having us there. Harry finally was getting to know his godfather and I could see the gleam in Sirius’ eyes when they were talking with each other.

Our journey there wouldn't be too long. But we made the best of it. We had great dinners every night, cooked by Molly. We played games and told jokes all the time. I taught Sirius, Harry, and Ron how to play Uno, a Muggle game they didn't even hear of it. And the smiled I could see in Harry's face when he was with Sirius was comforting enough. Together we were all happy.

The night before the day we left to Hogwarts, everyone went to bed earlier, as I did. But at 1 A.M. I woke from a terrible and too real nightmare. I was sweating and panting and I was thirsty. So I tiptoed out of the room, down the stairs and went to the kitchen to grab a cup of water. On the leaving room, there was a bottle of water and cups, so I grabbed one and drank it at once. I ran my hands through my hair, pulling it behind my ears and scratched my forehead, still shaken by the nightmare. But I was startled more when I noticed someone at the end of the dining table, sitting on a sofa, with a whiskey cup on his hand.  
\- Sirius! I didn't know you were here.  
\- Clearly. You ok? - He asked me, noticing my crazy look.  
\- Yeah... Just having some nightmares. - I looked to the almost empty whiskey bottle and looked back at him, sitting on the sofa in front of him. - I think the question is, are you ok?  
\- I'm handling. - He raised his glass and drank the rest of his drink. Then he looked at me, thoughts passing through his eyes. - But I think you need this as I do. - And he poured some whiskey on another glass, handing it to me. - Cheers?

We spent almost two hours talking about life. Sirius was a bit drunk from all the whiskey he had, but who could blame him? We finished the bottle and we went upstairs. I help Sirius going to his room, knowing he was too drunk to go by himself.

I opened his door, taking a quick look at his room and I aimed for his bed. I pulled the sheets down, helping him to lay on the bed and taking off his shoes. When he was tucked in bed I smiled softly at his already sleeping face. There was a strand of hair, falling down his face and I put it behind his ear and then I left the room.

The day we left was really hard for him. He closed himself in his room all morning before we left the house. Harry, Hermione, and Ron went to his room to say goodbye while I was doing the dishes. They appeared soon after by my side, telling me it was my turn to say goodbye. So I did it. 

I went upstairs, knocked on his door and entered it when he allowed me. He was sitting by his window on a small sofa, looking outside and probably wishing he could go for a walk.  
\- One day Sirius… One day you’ll be able to get out of this life.  
\- Sometimes I don’t know if that’s possible… - He didn’t even look at me.  
\- I’ll do whatever I can… I’ll find that filthy rat, son of bitch.  
\- I fear something bad is about to happen… I don’t know… I can feel it. - He was now looking at me, fear on his eyes and I couldn't help but approach him and look at him in the eyes.  
\- Are you scared? - I asked. I was so vulnerable that my voice came out like a whisper.  
\- I should be.  
\- And you are? - I put a hand on his hand and he grabbed it, caressing it softly.  
\- No. - He looked at me and he was about to say something but he stopped himself. - I finally met my godson and he knows the truth. I’m in peace now. - He sighed and continued. - But now you all have to go back to school. This house won’t be the same without you. All of you.  
\- Time passes by very fast. We’ll be back soon, you’ll see. And next time we’ll stay for more days, I promise you that.  
\- I really hope that. - He was now staring at our hands together and he continued caressing mine.  
\- Well… I really have to go now… I came here to say goodbye and to check on you. Will you be ok? I do--

He got up and hugged me, just like that, interrupting my speech. I thought it would be over soon, but I was mistaken. He remained glued to me, inbreathing my scent and the softness of my hair. I hugged him back by the waist and smelled his neck. He started to pull away only to look into my eyes, his eyes wandering my face. He closed his eyes for a moment, sighed and then kissed my forehead, pressing his warms lips against my skin for some seconds. He stopped when we heard Hermione calling for me.  
\- You should go now. - He whispered.  
\- I don’t wanna go… - I said, still in trance with his kiss.  
\- We’ll keep in touch. I promise.  
\- You’ll be ok?  
\- I will.

He smiled at me before I got out of his room but his smile fades away and he sat down on his sofa, realizing his feelings for me were growing uncontrolled. “She’s too young… She would never want anything to do with an older and finished man. I don’t have a life. I could be a fugitive for the rest of my life. This is not right… Not fair for her”. But he already missed me and the happiness he felt when I was in the same room he was.


	4. Chapter 4

New year, new classes, new adventures. That’s our slogan for every year and it’s been proven true. This year we’re being hosting the Triwizard Tournament, in which three magical schools compete across three dangerous challenges. Only students with 17 or more would be chosen, but somehow Harry Potter was chosen too, along with me and Cedric Diggory, the hottie. Everyone was so pissed off with Harry, but he stated he didn’t put his name in the Goblet of Fire and believed him.  
\- We stick together Harry, no matter what. - Even though I was bewildered I told him this as soon as he was chosen.  
\- Until the end of the line.

Before I go to the tournament I read the last letter from Sirius. He seemed more and more distant from me and colder. He wasn’t so sweet as he normally would be nor he told me he missed the cheerful house he had when we were there. No. He was acting polite, but not sentimental. The last letter I told him about the tournament and how nervous I was the only thing he wrote was this few lines letter:

_Cat,  
I wish you all luck for this tournament._

_Regards,  
S._

That made my stomach twitch but I shook the feeling away when Hermione snapped me out of my own world:  
\- Are you ready?  
\- I think so…  
\- What could be possibly bothering you?  
\- Nothing… Just… Nothing, don’t worry.  
\- Hmm hmmm… - She rolled her eyes at me. - Anyways, good luck, you’ll need it.  
\- Oh sure, that helps.

She smiled at me and got out of the tent I was in. I took Sirius’ letter in my hand and put in my pocket so I wouldn’t forget to read it again and see if I was missing something. But at that moment, I was focused on other things: the tournament.

The first challenge was easy enough, we had to take a golden egg guarded by a huge dragon, a Hungarian Horntail. 

The second challenge we had to dive underwater to save someone, I had to save Hermione and Harry had to save Ron.

For the third and final challenge we had to find the Triwizard cup located in the hedge maze, that would attack us unexpectedly and by itself. Harry saved Cedric from the maze and we all three ran for the cup, but it turned out to be a portal to where Voldemort and Peter Pettigrew were. Cedric was immediately killed by Pettigrew with the killing curse and then the fucking rat-man performed a ritual that rejuvenated Voldemort, who then summoned the Death Eaters. We don’t know how we escaped. I was defending myself from the Death Eaters and Harry was fighting against Voldemort with Cedric corpse by his side. We managed to escape and take Cedric’s dead body with us, both of us crying by his side, while the whole School was watching us, slowly ceasing the cheering and the claps.

The last few days at school were horrible. Everyone was quiet, head down, or crying for Cedric. Harry and I were accused of madness for saying Voldemort was back, Dumbledore was being attacked by everyone for believing in us and the Minister of Magic was acting against our school. I decided to write a letter before I leave and send it to Sirius, the only one I would be thinking of.

_Dear S.  
As you must know the school year had come to an end. And it was the worst. You must have heard about the tournament, about Cedric… about Him. We’re all beyond terrified and no one believes in us. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. Just when things were getting better, there was love around us, friends and happiness, suddenly all of it was ripped up from our hearts and the days are now grey and sad and full with sorrow._

_I saw him. Pettigrew. I wanted to kill him with my own hands. But he is alive and ok. Which is good, because we need him alive to prove your innocence. I slowly started to make some friends with people from the Ministry. I want to inform myself about how things work inside and found out how we can free you. Even though you seemed distant from me in your previous letters, I will keep my promise until the end._

_I hope this letter finds you well._

_With love,  
Cat._

Sirius read the letter and felt a tear running down his face. The love and the honesty in that letter were killing him inside. On one hand, he wanted to tell me about his feelings, about being constantly in his thoughts, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to scare me, or to hold me down with him. He wanted me to live my life, without his miserable one.

The thing is, he didn’t have a choice. In few weeks Harry, Ron, Hermione and I would be arriving and bringing life to his house again. The Order of Phoenix would be reuniting there all Summer because of Voldemort’s return and we would stay there for two months before school.

My first weeks at home weren’t easy. My parents were discussing all the time, due to the return of Voldemort. They were scared and didn't want me to go back to Hogwarts or go to Sirius' home. I ended up making them accept that this was my life. And either I stayed with them or went to fight Voldemort, I wouldn't be safe either way. To worsen things up, when I got home I discovered my mother was sick. Again. And they chose not to tell me while I was at Hogwarts… She had a brain tumor. Again. And even though it was a soft one, it took a hit on her and on my dad and they were now discussing all the time due to anything and nothing. I know I should feel horrible, but I was dying inside to get out of my house, away from that environment. My nightmares were getting worse. But going to Sirius house and feeling him distant from me wouldn't help also... So I have screwed anyway.

The day I got to Sirius' house my heart skipped a beat when I saw his face before the dining room door closes. I heard some muffled discussion before Sirius stop and look right at me, his expression melting away and a caring smile forming on his lips. Before Mrs. Weasley closes the door I gave him a soft smile back not breaking the eye contact. Everything felt right at that moment. I didn't feel any sadness, fear or any sad feelings that had followed me over the last few months.  
\- Cat! - Molly greeted me.  
\- Mrs. Weasley!  
\- It’s so good to see you. - She looked back when the door opened behind her and Sirius and Mr. Weasley got out of the dining room. - I swear, you look more beautiful every time I see you.  
\- Thank you. - I have her a hug. - I missed you and your lovely cooking… And your lovely bits of advice. 

She sighed, still hugging me and pulled away looked at me with her concerned eyes, only to hug me back:  
\- There, there. We’re together now… Your friends will be arriving tomorrow or after, I don’t know yet. But Ron is already here.

I looked to Mr. Weasley and gave him a hug.  
\- How are you really, Cat?  
\- I’m holding myself. - I looked at Sirius for a while and he seemed confused with all the hugs I was getting.  
\- And your mother?  
\- She... She’s fine now… The tumor was fully removed. She’ll be ok… I don’t know about their marriage but... she’ll be fine... - I faked a smile as best as I could, but I knew they weren't buying it.

Mrs. Weasley had a pity look on his face and hugged me again, pushing me to the stairs. I gave a final look at Sirius that seemed shocked with the conversation he just heard.  
\- Come on, come on. Let’s get you a room. You need to rest and to eat. You can say Hello to everybody after.

My room had three beds. On the previous Summer, we slept on Mr. and Mrs. Weasley room, on the floor. So this will be just fine. I imagined one would for me, other for Hermione and the other for Ron’s sister, Ginny. But fortunately, she wasn’t there, so I could be left alone in silence. Seeing Sirius shook me off my feet. I needed the comfort he used to give me in his letters but he was pushing me away and I didn’t know why. How could someone I barely knew have such effect on me? I was an adult now, and the dark circumstances around me asked me to grow up even more, but I felt like a teenager when it comes to Sirius.

I was resting in my bed, feeling the tears flowing down my face as these overwhelmed thoughts racked my brain. I heard a delicate knock on my door and I assumed it was Mrs. Weasley so I told her to come in, but didn’t even move from my position and didn't even dare to look at her. After some time, someone sat on my bed behind me and was quiet so I knew it wasn’t her. I turned around on the bed and saw a concerned Sirius sitting there, with his charming grey eyes peering right through me.  
\- Hi. I’m sorry I didn’t say Hi before. You know how Mrs. Weasley... -- How are you? - I stumbling through words. I wiped my tears and sat on the bed, facing him.  
\- I'm fine. How are you? What happened?  
\- You heard what happened. - I got back to the resting position and turned my back on him. I heard him sigh before he proceeded to talk with a weak voice.  
\- Why didn’t you write to me about it?  
\- For what? To wait for your reply for weeks? Or to receive a two lines answer when in the preceding letters I opened my heart with you?  
\- I didn’t mean to…  
\- To what? - I sat on the bed, furious with him but keeping my voice down. - To make yourself special to me and then abandon me little by little? It would hurt less if you just said you didn’t want to keep in touch with me. I’m not a kid nor stupid and I would understand, it would hurt, but I would understand. But this? - I grabbed all the letters he sent me since the beginning, which I was keeping under my pillow - … This hurts like hell.  
\- I’m sorry Cat. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just couldn't let you be attached to my world... I couldn't be attached to you, considering my situation. That’s why I didn’t write you more. - He paused and he seemed to hesitate before he proceeds. - I was developing feelings that I’m not ready to deal with right now and I don’t even think I would know how. And I didn’t want you to pity me and to be stuck with me in this miserable thing you called life. That's why I decided to push you away.

Part of me was confused and didn't want to believe in his words. The other part was actually trying to make sense of what he just said. I was speechless with his words, my mouth was opened and my mind was racing but no sound came out of it. Was I insane? Imagining things? Is this even real?  
\- You should have told me. - I managed to say something, but it came out as a whisper.  
\- No. And I shouldn’t have told you now. I don’t want you to -- to feel uncomfortable here. I want you to feel welcoming.  
\- Why wouldn’t I feel comfortable? Do you think I talk with anyone like I do with you? - He looked at me surprised. I got up from the bed to a sitting position, with my back turned to him. - I don’t. Not even with my friends and I trust them with my life.

After a while frozen in place, none of us was able to say a word. I sighed and told him exactly what was going through my mind.  
\- I opened myself with you like never before... And you think I don’t have weird feelings towards you too? - I closed my eyes and then looked to him in the eyes. - I'm so scared of this era, Sirius. My life hasn't been the same since Cedric's death and... you're the only reason I keep fighting for.

He remained quiet but I noticed he was actually trying to talk. Our bodies didn’t move but I could feel the temperature between us heating up as he looked to my lips and back to my eyes. I did the same and I wanted so much to lean in and kiss him, but I didn’t have the guts. He was about to tell me something when my bedroom door opened abruptly with a smiling Ginny and Ron following her. They ran to my side hugging me and kissing me and Sirius gradually took off out of the bed, whispering “We’ll talk later” and then disappearing. I couldn't help but watch him until he was out of sight before I turned my attention to Ginny and Ron. They were so happy to see me and they filled me with questions and with adventures from their holidays. I smiled like I haven't in months. I was home.


	5. Chapter 5

After some hours of just chatting with them, I took a relaxing shower, put some grey training apparel, with white stars stamped, put my hair in a high bun, some moisturizing cream on my face and went downside, to the dining table, where everyone was waiting for the dinner. Like magic, the previous empty and cold house was now full of life and happiness. I managed to look for some seconds to Sirius, but I changed my focus to Mrs. Weasley when she was serving dinner. I sat at Sirius' right side, as I always do and Mrs. Weasley greeted me.  
\- You must be tired of your journey, Cat. - She told me, snapping me out of my thoughts.  
\- Huh, yes, I can’t wait to go to sleep. But not before this divine dinner. - I smiled at her and looked to Sirius from the corner of my eyes.  
\- Yes yes, you eat my child. You’ll need strength… Ginny tonight you’ll sleep in Ron’s room. Cat need some time to rest.  
\- MOOOOOM! - Ginny and Ron yelled at the same time.  
\- No discussion here. She needs to rest peacefully. - She widened her eyes to Ron and Ginny when they were about to nag her. They had an argument about that and the noise was piercing through my head. I felt myself sweat more than I should and I felt out of breath. Something was wrong with me. More than usual. My nightmares were getting worse, more intense and more real. I'm exploding with rage everytime someone pisses me off and people arguing by my side wasn't the right environment for me right now. Sirius senses something was off and he rested a hand under the table on my knee and whispered between the discussion Ginny, Ron and Mrs. Weasley were having:  
\- You ok? - I just nodded to him. Actually, his touch on my knee made me calm down a lot, which was odd. This man has more effect in me than I thought.

The rest of the dinner was calmer. Mrs. and Mr. Weasley would frequently talk to each other and to their kids and I would be quiet, staring at my plate and occasionally at Sirius. Mr. Weasley broke the silence when the dinner was finished:  
\- So, Sirius... You must be thrilled, your godson arrives tonight. - Mrs. Weasley gave him a threatening look. I don’t think she’s very fond of Sirius, and I don’t know why.  
\- Harry? I thought thought that he wouldn’t come until the next week. - I asked Mr. Weasley but Sirius was the one to answer.  
\- He, kinda had an incident. - He looked at me with a suspicious expression.  
\- What incident? What happened?  
\- There was an attack - Mrs. Weasley said. I started to panic and Sirius spoke immediately.  
\- He’s fine. He’s strong… Some dementors attacked him in his homeland.  
\- Dementors? In Little Whinging? How’s… - I stared at him and to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. - Voldemort.  
\- I’m afraid yes. And there will be a hearing in the Ministry of Magic because he’s under 17 and he was not supposed to use magic. Moreover, he used it in front of muggles. They are trying to use something against him and ridicule him.  
\- But, that’s…

We were interrupted when Alastor Moody, Ninfadora Tonks, and Harry entered the house. I ran to him to hug him, and they told us about their episode with the Dursleys after the attack. I chuckled inappropriately and everybody glanced at me with a “really?” look on their faces. Except for Sirius, he was smirking at me because of my reaction and soon after Harry was laughing with me too.  
\- This is very, very unusual. It seems your hearing in the Ministry is to be before the complete Wizengamot. This never happens unless there’s a national security reason. - Mr. Weasley said after he read the letter Harry had received from the Ministry.  
\- I don't understand. What has the Ministry of Magic got against me? - Harry asked and Mrs. Weasley threw the newspaper to the table to show him the news about him.  
\- He's been attacking Dumbledore as well. Fudge is using all his power, including his influence at the Daily Prophet… to vilify anyone who claims the Dark Lord has returned.  
\- Why? That's just ridiculous and risky to everyone - I asked.  
\- He thinks Dumbledore is after his job. - Remus said.  
\- No one in their right mind could believe that… - Harry stated.  
\- That is exactly the point. Fudge isn't in his right mind. It's been distorted and warped by fear. And fear makes people do terrible things, Harry. The last time Voldemort gained power he almost destroyed everything we hold most dear. Now he's returned, and I'm afraid the minister will do almost anything to avoid facing that truth. - Remus finally said.

I looked at him and to Sirius and rage was building inside of me, unexplainable.  
\- We have to something. They can’t do this. They are putting everyone in danger. We need to know what Voldemort will do next.  
\- We think Voldemort wants to build up his army again. Fourteen years ago, he had huge numbers at his command. And not just witches and wizards, but all manner of dark creatures. He's been recruiting heavily, and we've been trying to do the same. But finding followers isn't the only thing he's interested in. We believe...Voldemort may be after something. - He ignored Moody's attempts to shut him up. - Something he didn't have last time.  
\- What do you mean? - Harry asked.  
\- Something like a weapon? - I asked.

He was about to answer my question when Mrs. Weasley interrupted and shouted at him for telling us more than we should know.  
\- No. That's enough. Their just kids. You say one more word and you might as well recruit them into the Order.  
\- Good then. I want in. I’m not a kid, I’m old enough to perform magic, I can defend myself and I can make my own choices. If Voldemort's raising an army, then I want to fight it. We need everyone we can get. No one will be safe if Voldemort achieves his goals, kids or not. - Sirius stared at me with a proud look on his face and looking at Mrs. Weasley that was throwing him knives with her look.

There was no more conversation about Harry’s trial, nor Voldemort or the Order of Phoenix. The rest of the night was quiet as some were heading to bed. When only Moody, Ninfadora, Sirius and I were left in the room they began to talk about Voldemort again.  
\- We’re having a reunion with all the members of the Order soon. Dumbledore found out about something and he needs us. - Moody said.  
\- Does he, now? - Ninfadora asked with a sarcastic tone.  
\- Quiet Tonks. He’s a man with many secrets, but he wants the same as us, bring peace back.  
\- Peace? - I asked - Every day people are slaughtered without mercy. There are people dying of hunger while the ministry of magic keeps navel-gazing. They are richer than ever. There is more corruption in that organization than insects per square meter. And you talk about peace? They just want to look at their little world. They could use magic for good. To help. Even as a secret. But instead, they not only prefer to ignore solid evidence that the worst sorcerer of all time has returned to terrorize the world but they bring together the whole council to deal with a simple case of magic use by a minor. Mrs. Weasley is afraid of us knowing about all of this because we’re just kids… Well, if nothing is done, there won’t be kids to protect. We need to act now.

They were voiceless staring at me. Even I was speechless after what I said. Sirius had this dangerously hunting look in his eyes, but also a pleasant expression and a soft smile brightening up his face.  
\- We’ll talk about admitting you to the Order. But until then, don’t do anything reckless, Cat. We don’t know who can we trust. - Moody finally spoke.  
\- I will. But I won’t be sitting in my chair waiting for him. - I said before I leave the room and head for my bed. - Goodnight.

I changed into my pajamas: golden yellow shorts, with a simple white top. I released my hair from the bun, shook it a bit and entered my comfortable sheets. I finally let myself relax, trying to calm down my heartbeat. Something was wrong inside me. I was clearly angry and consumed with rage that I didn’t know I had inside me. I was shaking and sweating more than usual I couldn’t calm down. I was heavy breathing and started to feel dizzy. I started to see things that shouldn’t be there… a black shadow in the corner of the room, with a white blur on its face. It was laughing at me and it was deafening. I had my hands in my ears as I tried not to hear its laugh. “Stop”. I kept saying in a low voice. “Stop. Stop. STOP” I finally shouted.

There was a knock on the door and it was opened immediately. It was Sirius and Moody. They were perplexed and alarmed when they saw me, lying on the floor with my hands on top of my head and my head resting on my knees.  
\- What happened? We heard you screaming. - Sirius sat beside me, trying to take my hands away from my head. I wiped my tears away without saying a word, got up and got back to my bed.  
\- Nothing, I had a nightmare, that’s all. I need to sleep now, please.

Sirius nodded not daring to say a word. I tucked the sheets in and turned my back to sleep. Sirius got out of the room, but Moody didn’t move an inch away, staring at me with a questioning look. He made a “Humm” sound and left the room. I tried to fall asleep, but the nightmares didn't let me. So I was awake almost all night, trembling and crying inaudibly.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning was oddly quiet. Harry and Mr. Weasley were gone to the Ministry, Mrs. Weasley and Ginny went shopping and they were picking up Hermione in the train station. Ron as always would sleep until lunchtime and Moody and Ninfadora were gone. Just me and Sirius. “Great,” I thought to myself.

It was hard for me to wake up. I slept probably just an hour this night and I had just fallen asleep when I heard doors closing. Slowly I got up and got ready to leave the room. I went downstairs to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. It was only 8 AM and I expected Sirius to be sleeping, but he wasn’t. He was at the dining table eating his own breakfast. I covered my breast when I realized I was only wearing a soft white fabric from my top and my nipples were perceptible.  
\- Hey... - I said like a whisper.  
\- Hey… Good morning… Do you want some coffee? It’s still hot. And there are some toasts too.

I thanked him and immediately started to eat, sitting at his right side, as he was sitting at the table top. Since I was quiet, Sirius tried to talk with me.  
\- Did you sleep well? No more nightmares?  
\- Not that I know of.  
\- You scared us last night. You don’t remember what you were dreaming with?  
\- Not really.  
\- Alright… - He was jumbled with my morning mood. He didn't know why my answers were so dry. And I sensed his confusion, so I decided to change the subject.  
\- We still need to finish our conversation that was abruptly interrupted by Ginny. - I caught him by surprise with my observation.  
\- Yes. We do.  
\- So…?  
\- So… I-- meant what I said before. I’m sorry for being distant from you. I am feeling things for you that I shouldn’t, and I have to stay away.  
\- What? - I stopped eating my toast and protested. - That’s not your choice. W--What if I don’t want to stay away? You can't...  
\- We can’t... There’s no point in this. Let’s face it, Cat. I will be a felon for God’s know how long. What future do we have? And I’m much older than you... - He sighed and closed his eyes. - Whatever this is, it can't go on.

I got up from my chair, rage started to boil inside me:  
\- You can’t make that choice for me! You don’t know if my feelings are strong enough to endure whatever comes and you don’t even care to find out. What a selfish son of a b--  
\- Cat! For god’s sake, I’m doing this ‘cause I don’t want to be selfish enough to hold you down to this life. This is no good for you, Cat.  
\- That’s not your fucking choice. I’m in your life rather you want it or not. Now you just need to decide how you want me by your side. Deal with it and tell me when you finally make your fucking mind.

I started to feel dizzy and sweaty and heavy breathing. Rage was boiling and Sirius was puzzled looking at me when he saw my fists clenched and my eyes were turning black. He opened his mouth to speak but we got interrupted by Ginny, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley that entered the house. I got back to normal almost immediately as if nothing happened. Sirius was too speechless to even talk and I stayed there trying to hide my sadness while I was chatting with Hermione, ignoring Sirius curious look. I sat down on the individual sofa and heard Hermione and Ginny talking about random stuff with Mrs. Weasley and occasionally with Sirius who just smiled at them, not daring to look away from me. 

Their conversation was getting serious as they started to talk about Voldemort and about Harry trial, which, by the way, should already have ended. I started to feel myself drift away in my sleep as I started to dream. At first, I was at Hogwarts, in empty halls. There was silence and then there was the noise of rocks falling down. I ran as fast as I could and when I got to the entering gates I saw Voldemort there, smiling at me and opening his arms. I don’t know why, but I slowly approached him until he gave me a hug. As he was hugging me I looked behind him and saw a pile of bodies, with Harry and Sirius at the top and right before I wake up he touched my left arm and said: “Welcome back, my sister.” 

I screamed out loud as I got up from the sofa, feeling everyone's eyes looking at me. I rubbed my eyes and my itchy left arm. I looked at it and saw a black tattoo of a Skull and a snake fading away, leaving my arm burnt. I couldn't handle the pain on my arm and it proceeded all the way up to my head, leaving a trail of pain all the way up. I fell on the floor, grabbing my head and screaming. I didn’t notice that Dumbledore had just arrived while I was sleeping and he was beside me looking at my arm with a severe look on his face. He holds a hand for me and helped me to get up.  
\- When did you start to have these dreams?  
\- A few weeks ago. - I tried to speak, but instead, I whispered.  
\- When?  
\- When my mother got sick and my parents split.  
\- This mark. Have you seen it before?  
\- No. Why?

He seemed like he was reasoning and thinking, and he looked back calling Severus that was also in the house. Everyone in the room was shocked, not knowing what just happened and Sirius was standing just a few meters away from us looking worried at me.  
\- You’ll need to pack your things. We need to get you someplace safe. Did you have an encounter around the time you started with these dreams? Anything strange at all?  
\- No, I don’t think s--...

I remembered a man at the train station. He was stalking me and when I thought I had lost him he just appeared out of nowhere and hurt my arm with something pointy. Since it didn’t hurt for more than 2 seconds I just ran away and didn’t talk about that with anyone. So I described Dumbledore and Severus what happened and they looked at each other with acknowledging looks. The last thing I remembered was Dumbledore saying “We don’t have time to leave then. We’ll do it here.” He waved his wand at me and everything faded away. As I was falling to the floor I felt Sirius catching me before I hit the floor.

***** Hours later. *****

\- No you can’t do this. She could be hurt. I heard Sirius arguing with someone and I recognized the answering voice as being Severus. Sirius seemed in despair trying to convince Snape and Dumbledore not to do something to me. I wonder what they wanted to do to me, and most importantly, why was Sirius against it.  
\- Why do you care so much about the girl? Do you have feelings towards her? - I heard Snape asking Sirius.  
\- That’s not of your business Severus.  
\- Huh! You do! You're repugnant. You were despicable when you were a teenager and you still are. What? If you think the girl could ever have feelings for you, you are more insane than I thought.  
\- You are mewling because no one could ever love a cold stone like you Severus. I can be insane, but at least I'm not dead in my heart.

I laughed internally when I heard that discussion and I heard Snape preparing himself to shout at Sirius when Dumbledore interrupted the two frenemies. \- Be quiet both of you. She must be awakening soon.

I gradually opened my eyes. I wasn’t in my room. I was in another room and I couldn’t make sense of it. There was a big bed, with a big bed frame. After a while, I remembered that this was Sirius' master room. I looked to Dumbledore and attempted to talk but I felt my throat and my mouth dry. It hurt every time I tried to make a sound and someone grabbed a cup of water and a straw helping me to drink it.  
\- What happened to me? - I asked very weakly.  
\- You’re going to need to be strong Cat. - Sirius talked with me, by my side, with such a caring tone. He was holding the cup of water for me and he was looking at me with anxious eyes. - There’s something wrong with you. We believe someone injected something inside you... That man in the train station? -- We believe... They tried to turn you into a Death Eater against your will.  
\- How's that even possible… How-- I'm not a Death -- Eater...  
\- Shhh. Don’t talk. You need to stay calm… Dumbledore is going to take good care of you. He can help you, but it’s going to be hard and dangerous. We need to do something to you...  
\- Cat, you’re getting worse and I’m afraid that if we don’t act now there won’t be a way to help you. - Dumbledore finally spoke to me.  
\- Do-- whatever-- you need to do. This hurts... - I groaned and closed my eyes again.

I felt myself falling asleep again. The nightmares were painful and I wanted to wake up so badly. But it went on and on for hours and when I woke up I felt immediately some hard pain in my head. I started to scream and to move but I felt my hands tied up to the bed.  
\- Let me go!!! - I yelled at Dumbledore.

I tried harder to unleash myself from the bed and the moorings were yielding. I felt like I was dreaming. Like someone was on command of my body and I was just a spectator. I wanted for it to end, I wanted to take control again but nothing worked. Sirius put his body weight on top of me, holding my hands against the bed as I squirmed under him.  
\- Look at me. -- Cat, look at me! - I stopped when I look into his teary grey eyes and started to lose myself on them. - I know it hurts but it’s for your own good. I won’t leave you alone. Never. You were right before, it's not my choice, so don’t give up. Don’t give up on me now.  
\- No… I can't handle... so much pain... - I tried to yell but I could only whisper. Sirius kept me on the bed, looking at me with this shiny grey expression on his eyes. It wasn’t the concern, it wasn’t rage... It was a caring look. That made me ease for a while. The pain decreased and I was able to finally ask what was about to happen. When Sirius saw me relaxing he stayed on top of me longer than he should and with an awkward look he eventually got out.   
\- We’re about to make the principal spell on you but it will hurt too much… - Dumbledore seemed like he was in pain when he was talking to me about the spell.  
\- It's not over yet??? - Dumbledore nodded no and I stayed quiet for some time. - I can handle pain…  
\- No. This is no regular pain. And the worse part is that if it doesn’t work at first, we’ll have to try until it’s done. - Dumbledore said almost afraid of my reaction.

I made an “O” mouthed face and Sirius tried to ease things:  
\- I’ll be right here. I won’t go anywhere. - But that caring moment was interfered by Snape.  
\- Oh, but you will. No one can be here besides Dumbledore. And me, of course. - He looked like he was mocking him and that made me want to punch him in his face.  
\- What? Why? - Sirius asked abruptly, but Dumbledore spoke before Snape opens his mouth.  
\- This is a very dangerous spell, Sirius. No one can be here. No one can interfere in any way. One word can ruin everything and our chances to save her.

After some time talking about the process, Sirius finally got out of his own room. I don’t know how long I’ve been there but if Hell exists, that was it. Dumbledore waved his wand and I started to feel a heat born inside my head. He started to say things I didn’t understand while Snape was handling him some potions, some herbs, and some funny shaped objects. The pain at first felt like a hot pointy object pinching the back of my head. After some time I started to feel it all over my head, but it was increasing minute by minute and I started to scream very loud as I couldn't hold it any longer.


	7. Chapter 7

At the dining room, Sirius, Ron, Hermione, Harry, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were waiting for it to end, but it was hard for them to hear my screams and do nothing. Sirius was the most impatient, for everyone's' confusion, but Hermione was smarter than the others. She knew there was something else going on between us two, something that I haven’t told her, but she already knew what it was. It was evident. Otherwise, Sirius wouldn’t be hurting like he was while he was hearing my screams. He wouldn’t be so pissed off for not being there, with me. But it was for the best and he knows it.

I was tired, sweaty and I couldn’t count the times I already fainted. I wanted to rest, but I could feel the dark cloud that has been tormenting my days go away. It was already night time, none of us ate, none of ur rested for a second when Dumbledore said he felt it would be ending soon. But he was kinda wrong. Things got worse. My eyes went full black, the Death Eaters mark appeared on my arm and something was pulling me to their side and I couldn't fight it because I felt so weak.  
\- You fools! You think you can beat the Dark Lord? You’re wrong. She’s with us now. - I said with a low and mocking voice. I was still there, in the back of my head, asking for help, screaming for someone to unlock me. But they were failing and someone else took over me.  
\- No. Cat, listen to me. There are things beyond our comprehension and our powers. It’s up to you now. Whether you have something strong enough to fight for or not, that’s up to you. Come back to us. Crush them and be free again.  
\- You can’t do anything else. Let her go now. You old fool, I’m gonna kill you and then I’m… - Dumbledore waved his hand and I felt myself drifting away into darkness. I was asleep but my mind was noisy.

When I started to regain consciousness, I heard some muffled conversation. A fight actually. I heard Snape and Sirius shouting with each other. Again. I couldn’t understand why and I tried to stop them, but nothing came out of my mouth. Dumbledore told them to shut up as he approached me:  
\- Cat? Are you with us? - I nodded at him as it was the only thing I could do, but I knew I wasn’t alone. The presence I felt before was also with me and it took control once again. - Cat, we’ll have to continue this fight. We need you to focus on something you love or someone… - He paused for a second as if some thought came through his mind and then he continued. - Fight, Cat.

Days have passed. My condition was the same. I spent the entire days tied up on Sirius bed, and he would sleep outside his room, I don’t know where. Mrs. Weasley and Hermione would bath me and feed me. But nothing else happened. They didn’t talk ar look at me, they would keep their distance, maybe afraid of me and I was still trapped inside my own head, hearing their prayers, their curses, their cries. It hurts. A lot. Especially because Sirius didn’t visit me, didn’t talk to me and I don’t know why he did it. He said he would be with me until the end, but where was he?

One day, Dumbledore and Snape arrived at the house and there was a huge fight. Once again Snape and Sirius were fighting but this time I heard them perfectly:  
\- Why are you protecting her? She’s not your family, she’s nothing to you.  
\- You have nothing to do with it, Severus. You won’t take her away.  
\- Guess what Black… You have no saying in this. - I heard some noises and I think they were about to fight physically with each other when I heard Dumbledore yelling.  
\- STOP YOU BOTH… - Silence… - Now that I have your attention. Sirius, we’re about to lose her. Voldemort feeds on her hope when we treat her with love, that’s why we asked you all to stay away. But we need to do something else or we’re gonna lose her for good.  
\- Dumbledore… We both know this… There’s nothing stronger than the love of your family, your friends, your… - He paused and sighed. - Give me a chance to help her. I beg you.  
\- What can you possibly do that we haven’t done before? - I heard Snape being the arrogant little shit he is. But Sirius ignored him and I guess he was talking to Dumbledore.  
\- Please… I need to try… 

After some long moments of silence, I heard Snape shouting and cursing Sirius “What? You’re gonna let him do what he wants?”. Dumbledore was talking firmly with him when I heard the door creak. I was too weak to open my eyes and see who it was but as soon as someone approached me I could feel his scent. Sirius… I could only make a “hmmm” sound when I felt Sirius hand in my cheek. He stroke gently my face for some time and I felt a tear running down my face.  
\- I’m here… I’m sorry for not being here before… - There was silence and I heard him climbing to bed, lying beside me and hugging me, bringing his body heat next to me. - But please Cat, come back… Come back to me. You’re the only thing that keeps me sane right now… You brighten my days. Even when I’m being a selfish asshole as you called me. - He laughed, hiding his crying. - Even then, you’re the only one who can make me smile in times like this.

I tried to move. I tried to open my eyes. I tried to talk. But I couldn’t do anything. I tried so hard but it was useless. Nothing made me move an inch and I was getting pissed off. Sirius, oblivious to this inner fight, continued to talk and I was starting to feel something burning in my head.  
\- When I met you, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You inspired me so much peace… And then you wanted to talk to me, to know me. And it was the best thing it could happen to me. I wanted to stay away, I didn’t want to drag into this life… And...-- I’m scared to death… What-- What if I can’t prove my innocence? Am I going to be locked in here forever? I couldn’t drag you into this… It would be selfish... But I know now, I don’t get to choose that. If that's what you want, I'm here. I'll always be here for you. Knowing you like I do and see you this way... I don't want to lose you... I love you and I want you so much, even though I know I'm not supposed to.

My head hurt. Like hell. I was fighting harder and harder to free myself. I was having an inner discussion with the dark presence inside my head and I felt myself winning. But when I heard those three damn words everything was lighter and brighter and peaceful. I felt so good like I haven’t felt in years. And I felt powerful. Something that I never felt before. He said he loved me. Sirius Black loves me. Everything that I have been daydreaming about finally happened. I opened my dark brown eyes, not the black haunting ones, and I looked at Sirius. He was astonished by my unexpected recovery, his eyes were teary, as mine were and I smiled at him. He was still mute staring at me but I did what I should have done before, I leaned in and press softly my lips against his. He didn’t move, didn’t flinch, nothing. He just closed his eyes and felt the warmness of my lips. He couldn’t believe in what was happening, he saved me. His love was strong enough to endure every pain, even in that dark time. Love was stronger than anything else and he knew at that moment, nothing else that matters besides our love.

I couldn’t contain all the happiness I was feeling. I was free from the demon that has been haunting me for months and Sirius was there with me, proclaiming his love. I felt the most powerful being in the entire universe and as I was pressing my lips on his somehow the ties that were chaining me to his bed dissolved and I was finally free. 

I pulled away from the soft kiss slowly, opened my eyes and looked at him with a “Thank you” look and he smiled. The most sincere and loving smile I have ever seen. He just cupped my face with his two hands and kissed me. This time the kiss was full with passion, tongues dancing with each other in sync, demanding for more and it was feeling intense. My head was dizzy, intoxicated with desire. I wanted this man more than anything and it finally was happening. Both our hands wandered each other bodies, feeling every inch of it and pulling our bodies against each other. He was almost on top of me, his hands cupping my face, tears running down both our faces and I couldn't be happier.

Our moment was interrupted when we heard someone coughing inside the room. We pulled away from each other and sit on the bed looking at a smiling Dumbledore and a shocked Snape.  
\- I could sense the love from you two. And I felt a powerful energy emanating from this room. You were right Sirius, love is indeed the most powerful thing in the world.

Snape approached me, grabbed my arm with such force that I gave him an angry look and said "Watch it", but he just waved his hand in my arm, hoping for some Death Eater mark to appear, but nothing happened. I was clean.  
\- Impossible. How did you do it, Black?  
\- Oh Severus, are you that blind? You should know by now how powerful can love be. - Dumbledore told Snape and I sensed some tension between them before Snape just got out of the room, leaving the three of us alone. Dumbledore looked at me and asked me some questions about the presence I felt before. - Something remained didn’t it?  
\- Yes. It did. - I looked at confused Sirius but I proceeded with a smile on my face. - I think I might have stolen some power from them...? I feel powerful and I didn’t feel like this before. Is it bad?  
\- No. No, it doesn’t. But you need to be careful. You don’t know how much power you have now. Let’s be away from strong emotions for some days until you recover fully. Besides, school is almost here. - He saw mine and Sirius sadness. That meant we would be away from each other. - I might just have something for you. - He handed me a shiny gold object. - This is a “Porta auctor”. This allows you to travel from your place to anywhere you want, anytime you need... You just need to think about the place you have to be, close your eyes and squeeze it. It is untraceable, so no one could see you exiting Hogwarts or following you here. No one can know about this. Use it carefully... - Before he leaves the room he turned to our astonished expressions. - Finally something good to celebrate. I can feel it in the air, it is something good… refreshing.

I got up from the bed, ran to him and hugged him for some time, thanking him for everything. But just when I felt his embrace I felt tired and weak. Sirius grabbed me and Dumbledore told me he would talk with my parents about the situation and that I should rest. And he remembered me, no strong emotions… Nothing that could make my powers go without control. When he left I turned to Sirius and hugged him while he picked me up bride-style and put me in bed. He kneeled next to his bed, grabbed my hand and kissed it saying he would leave me to rest and that he would bring some food for me. When he was about to leave, I tighten my grip on his hand.  
\- Don’t go.  
\- But you need to rest.  
\- No. - I nodded my head. - I don’t want to be without you right now. I need you here Sirius. - I saw his discomfort and I asked him what was wrong. He just nodded his head down and didn’t look at me. I insisted. - Sirius, what is it? You can tell me...  
\- It is better for you to rest alone. I can’t be by your side. Dumbledore said no emotions. I can’t be by your side without being a firework of emotions. - He paused but he resumed immediately. - If you knew how I’m feeling inside… If you knew what I want to do to you... I just… want to grab you and have you right now…

I gasped when I understood what he meant, but I felt exactly the same. I wanted him and not being able to be fully his, was killing me inside. I wanted to touch him, to feel him… But I understood what he was saying so I just nodded and let go of his hand. He tucked me in the bed, turned off the lights and went downstairs.

In the dining room everyone was worried and waiting for Sirius. He was immediately attacked with lots of questions. Dumbledore was there and said he didn’t tell them anything, that he was waiting for him to come down. Sirius understood that Dumbledore wanted him to decide whether he wanted to tell them about how it really happened and he just thanked Dumbledore with his eyes. He explained that his presence helped me to focus and be better, but right now I needed to rest and eat. Mrs. Weasley ran to the kitchen saying she would do all the cakes and food I loved and Ginny ran behind her shouting she would help her. Everyone smiled at their reaction and Dumbledore gave a pat on Sirius’ back before he saying his goodbyes and leaves the house along with Snape.

Sirius felt Hermione curious gaze on him and when Harry and Ron were distracted she approached him and told him she could feel something different. Something good.  
\- Love. That’s how you saved her, wasn’t it? - Sirius was speechless but he just nodded. Hermione smiled and hugged him. - Finally. It is a secret?  
\- For now, yes. We haven’t talked about it. And… - He whispered this time. - I don’t think Mrs. Weasley here would like the idea. - Hermione looked at the kitchen and nodded to Sirius, making a cross on her mouth indicating him she wouldn’t tell anyone. Sirius just thanked her before Ron ask what were they whispering about.  
\- Couldn’t you be less nosy Ron? You remind me of my aunts - Hermione pouted with her funny accent.  
\- Hey, it was a bloody question. I didn’t offend anyone.  
\- You offend us just by breathing. 

Sirius couldn’t help but smile at the life back in his house. The last months have been so sad and heavy. My condition let everyone angry and being away from me worsen things around. Maybe things were about to get better. Maybe they all could help him prove his innocence and start a new life with me. I would be his girl, he would be my man… But he knew better. Life is a shitty hole, where we could have a few moments of happiness before we go back to the freak show. The only thing we could do was enjoy those good moments and hope for them to last.


	8. Chapter 8

The next days I would eat, sleep, get a bath or being pampered by everyone. Sirius didn’t want me to leave his room. He said his bed was the best of the house and I could be in it as long as I was there. I insisted for him to sleep there with me but he always said no. Every time we had a moment alone someone would interrupt us… So I always tried to convince him to stay for the night. He was about to give way once when I hugged him and planted kisses on his neck. His body was tensing a little by little and before I could do anything he had me pinned down on his bed, crawling on top of me and was consumed with lust, kissing me with such passion and rubbing his body on mine. He focused on my neck for a while and I felt something hard against my inner thighs. I felt some heat and wetness between my legs and I slowly opened them, allowing him to be closer to me and grind harder. We were both heavy breathing, bodies rocking against each other, his hands were still pinning my wrist against the bed and I wanted more… When he finally moved his hands and started to wander my body, feeling the curves of my waist, Mrs. Weasley called me and knocked on the door. We only had time to get away from each other and Sirius sat on his bed, trying to hide his erection.  
\- You’re still here, Sirius? She needs to rest. She will be going back to school tomorrow. Don’t bother her.  
\- Please, Mrs. Weasley, it’s my fault. I held him here with my conversation. Besides, I'm tired of being in bed alone, I need company.

She looked at us, not buying us at all but she let it go. Sirius said goodnight and ran away from the room. Soon after I felt myself falling asleep slowly… It was so peaceful… I dreamt with Sirius. He was free and we were sitting, by a tree and on a floor full with green grass. I was leaning on him and he was stroking my hair, planting kisses on my head. Everything was peaceful and I was curious about something shining on his left hand… A ring. I looked to my hand and a similar one also in my left hand. We were married and we were happy. I smiled and cleaned my happy tears before I turned to him to kiss him. When I turned to him his eyes were white, his face was pale… He was dead. I screamed and got up and when I blinked my eyes I was in a totally different place. It was dark and there were shelves everywhere and then there was Sirius, screaming in pain as Voldemort was torturing him and killing him. I woke up abruptly panting and sweating. "What was that? What hell was that?" I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. So I got up from my bed and went downstairs, prepared a cup of hot chocolate, came back to bed and kept thinking about the dream.

The next day I said my goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Sirius and Remus and went back to Hogwarts. I went to Sirius room, where he was once again, by the window with a sad look on his face. I sat on his lap and planted kisses on his head while I tried to make things better. I promised him I would be there with him everytime I could. I would use the Porta auctor frequently and I would write to him every day. Even though I knew he was still sad he tried his best to make a soft smile before I leave his house, heading for a hell year. The year started awfully, with Dolores Umbridge taking over Hogwarts, expelling Dumbledore and our favorite teachers. Harry was her scapegoat and she was picking on him every time she can.

Harry was having dreams similar to mine, dreaming with a corridor he didn’t know, with the shelves I dreamt about but this one time, when we are almost at Christmas break, he dreamt about Mr. Weasley being attacked by Nagini, Voldemort’s snake. We told professor Minerva McGonagall and Dumbledore and they were able to save him and took him to Hospital St. Mungus.

I didn’t tell anyone about my dreams. I was scared of them… And Dumbledore sensed it. He asked me more than once if there was something I wanted to tell him and I said no. After he insisted a few times I ended up telling him about my dream with Sirius when that thing with Mr. Weasley happened. He went fully thinking mode before he dismissed me. 

I went to Sirius’ home on the Christmas break and I wanted to spend the holidays there so I just invited my parents over to the Christmas Eve. We celebrated not only Christmas but also Mr. Weasley’s saving. I couldn’t take my eyes away from Sirius and he felt the same. Of course, I didn't tell my parents about us, but I noticed my parents empathy with him. They talked all night long, my parents told him about my childhood and about the funny things I did. He would often smile at me between conversations and I wanted to capture that moment in my head.

When the night was over, my parents went home but I stayed there for the rest of the holidays, even during New Year's Eve. Over the week I had that recurring dream about Sirius and I decided to write Dumbledore a letter asking for help again but I got no answer. I felt nervous every time I saw Sirius not only because of what I feel towards him but also because of my dreams... Or premonitions. 

I couldn’t handle those dreams anymore and every time I had them I would use the Porta Auctor and go to Sirius’. I needed him and nothing would stop me, not until I have him fully. This one time, when I arrived his house, it was empty and silent. I walked to the dining room and I saw him peacefully sleeping on his couch. I smiled as soon as I laid my eyes on him and I slowly approached him. He was holding a newspaper and a small gift box. I took it from his hands and kissed his forehead gently until he woke up.  
\- Cat. You’re here. - He seemed he was looking for something and I gestured him for the table where I put the paper and the box. He seemed to relax and he pulled me to his lap for a hug and a kiss.  
\- Where are the Weasleys?  
\- Away.  
\- And Remus?  
\- Visiting his family  
\- So… no one’s home. That’s a new one.

I smiled inwardly. Finally, we were alone. Finally, I could have him with no one to interrupt. I started to kiss him without giving him a chance to speak. He was so stunned by that unexpected kiss that he only held me tightly against his lap. The kiss started to be more intense as I tried to pull off his shirt but he stopped me.  
\- Hey, hey, hey. Cat. What gave into you?  
\- I want to enjoy some time alone. You don’t?  
\- Yeah, I do, but not like this.

I was confused with his reaction and got up from his lap telling him I was sorry. He immediately approached me and hugged me.  
\- Don’t think this wrong… - He paused and sighed. - God, I want to rip that cloth off your body and take you there on the table--- But you deserve better than that. I wanted it to be special. For both of us. I… You know I was locked away when I was young... I never… I never fell in love with anyone until I met you…  
\- So?  
\- I never had any woman in my life…  
\- You’re saying… - I widened my eyes and felt ashamed of myself for throwing myself at him like I did before.  
\- Yes, that's right… So I want it to be special… I want to do this right. I want you Cat… - He hugged me and looked over my shoulder to the gift box. He slowly pulled away and went for the box. - I was going to wait. I feel this is too soon but I want you so much, I can’t wait anymore… - He showed me the box and told me what it was. - I wanted to wait for the right moment. For a special night, a special dinner, when we were both alone. But I don’t think we’ll gonna have a more peaceful moment like this, so this is for you. 

He opened the small box and there was a ring. A golden ring with a shiny purple stone in it. I gasped but I didn’t move so he just continued talking.  
\- This is the first time I ever thought about a future. My future. And when I thought about it I only saw darkness and loneliness and sorrow. But now, all I see is you. I know what I feel when I look in your eyes. When I heard the way my name sounds in your mouth. When I feel your skin touch mine. The chance to lose you like the last summer has opened my eyes… I want to be with you for the rest of my miserable life... This is the ring that has been passed by generations in my family. We’re supposed to give it to the love of our lives. My family was always consumed by their ideas and didn’t think about love, so no one ever used it recently. But you are the love of my life. And I’m giving it to you to ask you to be mine. Forever.  
\- What are you saying Sirius? - I was scared and happy. But mostly scared.  
\- I’m asking you to marry me. Maybe not now, maybe in a few years, or maybe this won't end and we could never marry with each other, but I want you to be mine. And I want you to know that I'm in this with you if you want it.

I was speechless. This was all of a sudden. Nothing would predict this turn of events and even though I wanted to say yes and to be his I started to cry. In my dreams, we were married and Sirius would die. What if it was a premonition? What if this is really going to happen? Maybe if I said No he wouldn’t die… I couldn’t live with that fear condemning my life, but I couldn’t risk my chance.  
\- Say something Cat. Is this too much? - The shiny smile he had on his face when he proclaimed his love for me faded away when he saw the terrifying look on my face.  
\- I… I don’t know… I can’t…  
\- Why? Is this because of Voldemort? Or anything else? Or... anyone else? - His voice was trembling and he kept holding the ring box in the air. I widened my eyes at his insinuation and I immediately justify myself.  
\- What? No! Are you mad? There's no one else besides you.  
\- So why that reaction? If you're not ready, or you don't want to, that's fine by me.   
\- I’m sorry, Sirius. No... I can't... - Tears were running down my cheeks when I saw the disappointed look on his face. He sighed, closing the ring box and giving it to me.  
\- Just take the ring, it belongs to you. It’s for you anyways… You’re still the love of my life… Whether I’m yours or not. 

He left the dining room and went upstairs leaving me alone in his house. Tears were running down my face and I wanted so much to run after him and tell him everything. My fears, my nightmares, my desires, my love for him. But I had to protect him any way I can. So I just turned around, put the ring on my finger and went back to Hogwarts.


	9. Chapter 9

When Dolores Umbridge took over Hogwarts everything was harder… And then it was Harry’s time to have a vision where Sirius was killed in the Ministry of Magic. He described something similar to what I dreamt about and they were puzzled when I ran to Dolores office and tried to use her fireplace to communicate with Sirius. Even though he hasn't answered my letters, I worried about him. I didn't use the Porta Auctor for respect for him. So I used the fireplace. But his house-elf, Kreacher, told them Sirius was at the Ministry of Magic, held by Voldemort. When he said that my heart skipped a beat and I looked to my hand where my ring was. I decided that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him and I felt my power on the limit.

We managed to escape Dolores that caught us in her office and we went to the Ministry of Magic looking for Sirius. We soon learned that the vision Harry had was implanted by Voldemort which made my heart at ease. On our way there we found on the shelves something Harry has been dreaming with: a glass sphere that bears Harry’s and Voldemort names. It is a recording of a prophecy concerning both of them, which is revealed to be the object Voldemort has been trying to obtain for the whole year, believing that there was something he missed when he first heard the prophecy.

Lucius Malfoy and the others Death Eaters appeared out of nowhere and started to surround us. We were trapped and Lucius wanted us to give him the sphere. He threatened the lives of our friends whom the Death Eaters were holding so Harry gave him the prophecy. I tried to stop him but Lucius abruptly pushed me away, being caught by Harry’s arms before I hit the floor. When Lucius held the sphere in his hands and he made a victorious smirk, something glowed behind him and we could only manage to see what it was when Lucius was punched in his face by Sirius:  
\- Get away from my fiancé and my godson.

A huge fight erupted and there were wands being waved all over the place. The rest of the members of the Order of Phoenix were fighting against the Death Eaters and Sirius managed to pull me away from the middle of the fight. He saw the ring on my finger and he was about to talk when I grabbed him and kissed him.  
\- I do. I want to marry you, Sirius. I was scared before… I can't’ lose you. - He pulled away slightly.  
\- Sssh. I know, I know... Dumbledore told me. It's alright now. I won't go anywhere, my love.   
\- God, I love you.  
\- You do? - He said between kisses, cupping my face with his two hands and tears running down our faces.  
\- I do. So much… I love you, Sirius… I love you…

We stopped the kiss when we heard someone asking “Sirius? Cat?” and we looked behind me only to see a confused Harry, a confused Ron, and a happy Hermione. I smiled at them, but it was only for a second. I saw Lucius waving his wand at us and I didn’t have time to take my wand off my pocket, so I just put myself in front of everybody to defend them and somehow his spell didn’t hit us. He looked at me confused and I did the same at him when he tried to do another spell, only to fail miserably. I smiled at him with a mocking look and waved my hands, sending a blast of energy against him, knocking him down. I looked at my hands confused. I didn’t know how was I able to do something like that. I turned around when Sirius spoke to Harry:  
\- Now, listen to me. Take the others and get out of here.  
\- No! - I yelled at him. - I'm staying with you.  
\- You've done beautifully… All of you… And you Cat, you made me the happier man alive... Now, let me take it from here.  
\- No. I’ll stay or you’re coming with us!

When Lucius waved her wand at us I did everything I could to defend us, but Harry was faster and made an “Expelliarmus” at him. Somehow Bellatrix showed up at that moment and managed to yell “Avada Kedavra”, pointing at Sirius. Everything went silent around me, everything was in slow motion as I saw Sirius life abandoning us. “No… No… NO… SIRIUS” I saw his body floating to the Veil, along with my will to live.

My entire life was incomplete and when I met Sirius everything got into its place. He was the symbol that showed me that as much as life wants to tear us down, we can only fight against it and try to live with what we have. I loved that man with all that I have and I accepted to be his. When I put that ring on my finger before I felt his embrace and his love in my heart. I had that feeling all over me until that moment, until his life vanished right before my eyes. That’s when the pain started. That’s when someone grabbed me before I entered that Veil after Sirius.

What made my stomach twist was when I saw her. That fucking Bellatrix laughing at me shouting and singing “I killed Sirius Black” echoing in those cold walls of the Ministry of Magic. God knows how much pain I felt in my stomach when I heard her say those words. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to die. But not before I kill her. I got out of Harry’s arms and we ran right behind her trying to hit her with Crucio spells. And then she fell on the floor and started to whine and laugh at the same time, mocking us. I saw Harry frozen and twitch. There was something wrong with him and Bellatrix started to laugh louder like a maniac. 

And then, I saw him. Voldemort. He was trying to possess Harry when Dumbledore showed up right on time and started a dangerous fight with Voldemort like we never seen before. Bellatrix ran away and I stayed still, frozen with the pain in my heart.

Harry was finally possessed by Voldemort. The Dark Lord escaped from the fight with Dumbledore and tried to corrupt Harry as he fell on the floor, trembling and whining. Somehow I could enter his mind and feel what he was feeling, see what he was seeing and it hurt more. I could feel his pain, his sadness, his sorrow… His parents' death, Sirius death... his loneliness…  
\- Harry... Look at me… - Dumbledore said quietly and teary eyes. - Harry, it isn't how you are alike. It's how you are not. Harry?

But Harry didn’t respond to Dumbledore. He just kept groaning and twitching on the floor. I know Sirius would want to help Harry… As he saved me with love, I could save him with my love too. So I tried hard and sent him pieces of my mind… I didn't know why I could do this. And I don't think how to do it. But I thought of images of Me, him, Ron and Hermione playing with each other through the years in Hogwarts. His winnings at Quidditch. Knowing Sirius. Hugging Sirius. Seeing Sirius kissing me. I made him feel all the happiness he felt when he saw us together.

When Ron, Hermione and the rest of our friends arrived at the room they froze looking at him, but he finally stopped twitching, so I gave him more emotions… Those adventures we have endured over the years, together. He had a family. He lost everyone but he has us now. We could be all together... He just needed to keep fighting. Until the end... 

Finally, after moments of pure agony, we heard Harry said out loud:  
\- You’re the weak one... and you'll never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.

I finally let myself fall to the floor, exhausted with the pain in my chest after realizing that I did it. I could enter his mind and sent him all the love, all the friendship and everything good he has in his life. However, Voldemort appeared out of nowhere and leaned over Harry, stopping us to do anything to help him.  
\- You’re a fool, Harry Potter… And you will lose everything.

And before we could intervene, member of the Ministry of Magic and the Aurors showed up, a frozen Fudge looking at that scenario. Harry lying on the floor, Voldemort over him, Dumbledore kneeling at his side, our friends and the members of the Order at the entrance of the room and me on the floor, almost unconscious. They slowly approached us, after Voldemort vanishes, feeling the flashes from the cameras of the Daily Prophet reporters. Fudge approached and took Harry to handle his wounds. But before I fainted and before they took me with Harry, I remembered Sirius. I remembered the pain in my chest and tears began to run down my face. "Sirius" that's all I could say between my sobs and Fudge was confused looking at me until Dumbledore say "He was an innocent man... And he died for all of us". Fudge looked at me maybe still puzzled with my reaction regarding Sirius death but before I could say anything I just felt everything fading away as I fainted.

I woke up in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. I couldn’t remember immediately what happened but when I saw my ring in my finger, tears began to stream down my face. Dumbledore visited in one morning at the hospital, trying to comfort me. But it was too much to bear. Sirius was dead and I wasn't ready to accept that.  
\- We didn't have much time... We were just getting started.  
\- Life isn't fair, Cat. It works in mysterious ways. But we have to live with what life gives to us.  
\- No... Professor... I can't... Not now that I knew love as I knew with him. I know that people will tell me to move on, but I know I can't. He asked me to marry him... - I made a muffled laugh. - Even in times of darkness like this, he only wanted love above anything else. I---  
\- I'm sorry to hear that. I really do.  
\- Is there anything I can do to make this right?   
\- I'm not sure I understand your question, Cat.  
\- Can I undo it?  
\- Cat there was a killing spell. He's gone.  
\- I am aware of that. But he went to the Veil. He's not just -- gone.   
- One cannot travel freely between the two worlds, as it is a one-way trip. You know that.  
\- I know, professor... But I have to try... The Unspeakables have been studying it. I heard about it in one of our classes. There's so much we don't know... And--   
\- I'm sorry to disappoint you Cat. That's the way it is. 

I know he's only trying to protect me from harm, but some idea was forming inside my head. I needed to do something... Something to help me ease my mind. Our conversation was discouraging but my mind kept working on some way to undo this. Dumbledore knew I already made my mind during the healing time alone in that hospital wing. He knew that and that's why he decided to help me without me knowing. When he got out of Hogwarts he went through an investigation process finding. curious things about the Veil. He needed more time and more information before he could do anything and even then, he was reluctant to tell me anything about it.

After some time in the hospital wing, the school year was coming to an end and it was time for me to go home. So after I got cleared out of the hospital, I went to my room, cleaning my stuff and preparing my bag with my pretenses, trying to do anything to distract me from the pain I was feeling inside my heart. I missed Sirius. I wanted to write him letters or just use the Portal Auctor to go to his house but I know full well its an empty, cold and sad place to be right now.

So, I tried to think about anything else and I got out of the room only to I find Harry and Luna Lovegood talking. Apparently, someone people have been hiding her stuff, but it was the end of the year, she would need them to go home. I joined them in the corridor but when I reached them she stopped and said to Harry:  
\- I'm sorry about your godfather, Harry. - Harry swallowed, nodded but didn’t answer her.  
\- Are you sure you don't want us to help you looking for your stuff? - I asked her, trying to change the subject. She looked at me for some time, gave me a soft smile and said something that repeats itself in my mind over and over again.  
\- That's all right. Anyway, my mum always said... the things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the way we expec... - She pauses a little and finally said. - We just need to keep looking.

Hermione, Ron and I were exiting the castle later, heading for the train station when Harry approached us. His words were somehow comforting and also gave me strength for what I decided to do.  
\- I've been thinking about something Dumbledore said to me. And you know what? Even though we've got a fight ahead of us... we've got one thing that Voldemort doesn't have.  
\- Yeah? - Hermione asked.  
\- Yeah… Something worth fighting for.

I stopped walking for a second and something occurred in my mind. And the words from Luna and from Harry were more than encouragement for me to fight for what I know was really worth. **Love.**


End file.
